The Orgasm Gap: How can we close it for good?

We’ve come a long way when it comes to talking about women’s pleasure. Vibrators are no longer whispered about, sex toys are stacked on the shelves at Boots, and the language of consent and desire is more mainstream than ever. Yet one stubborn truth lingers: women are still climaxing far less often than men.

It’s what researchers call the orgasm gap, and it continues to loom large. A 2024 study from the Journal of Sexual Health revealed that in heterosexual encounters, women were 35% less likely to orgasm than their male partners. Put simply, pleasure is still unevenly distributed.

Back in 2018, psychologist Dr. David Frederick and colleagues conducted one of the largest surveys on sexual satisfaction, involving over 52,000 adults. The findings were striking:

·       Women in committed relationships: 68% orgasm rate

·       Women in casual relationships: 40% orgasm rate

·       Women’s first-time encounters: 11% orgasm rate

Meanwhile, men’s orgasm rates remained consistently high (90–95%) across all relationship types and encounter numbers. In other words, women’s pleasure was directly tied to the level of familiarity, investment, and communication in the relationship—but men’s wasn’t.

As Dr. Frederick concluded, “The fact that lesbian women have orgasm rates much closer to men’s suggests this isn’t about inherent differences in female sexual capacity. It’s about context, culture, and practices.”

But why?

For decades, sex was defined in one way: male-focused, goal-oriented, and often ending when he climaxed. Sex therapist Dr. Ammie believes this mindset is finally starting to crack. “The idea that women’s pleasure is secondary has been baked into our culture. From the way we talk about virginity to how sex scenes are filmed, the assumption has been that women’s bodies are passive, not active,” she explains. “But that narrative is shifting, and people are more willing to demand equality in the bedroom.”

Researcher by Blair & Pukall (2014) describes the consistently higher orgasm rates among lesbian couples. Their studies show that these relationships often involve extended foreplay, with more time spent on arousal-building activities rather than rushing toward penetration. Touch, kissing, and sensory play extend across the whole body, keeping desire heightened throughout. Crucially, communication is woven into the encounter itself: partners check in, adjust, and respond in real time. Clitoral stimulation isn’t treated as a warm-up but remains central from start to finish, and without the cultural script that sex ends with ejaculation, there’s greater freedom to continue until both partners feel satisfied. 

Sociologist Dr. Barry Adam, who has studied these dynamics for decades, found that heterosexual couples who adopt similar practices — more foreplay, communication, and clitoral focus — report significantly higher mutual satisfaction rates.

Bridging the orgasm gap isn’t about technique so much as honesty. “Once I stopped faking it and started asking for what I wanted, my sex life transformed,” says Sophie, 32, from Manchester. “It felt awkward at first, but now my partner sees it as confidence, not criticism.”

This is key, says Ammie. “It isn’t about criticising your partner’s performance, it’s about collaborating for mutual enjoyment. Partners who see pleasure as a shared project have far more satisfying sex lives.”

It’s also worth noting that for many women, clitoral stimulation, not penetration, is the main route to orgasm. Sex educators argue this needs to be more widely recognised. Thankfully, sextech is stepping up: everything from suction toys to wearable vibrators is designed with women’s anatomy in mind.

Jess, 28, who works in PR, swears by it. “Buying my first vibrator was revolutionary. I realised I didn’t have to ‘wait’ for someone else to make me climax. Now I see it as part of my self-care.”

The orgasm gap isn’t just about what happens during sex, it’s also about equality. Prioritising female pleasure challenges centuries of conditioning around whose needs matter most. As Dr. Ammie puts it: “Closing the orgasm gap is about far more than a single moment of climax. It’s about claiming the right to pleasure, voice, and confidence in every area of life.”

And that’s perhaps the most empowering truth of all.